Improve your Public Speaking – Four Keys to your Greatest Moments

Do NOT let the fear of public speaking steal from you. Irrational fears far too often are limiting factors to our full potential. They prevent us from stepping into our gifts or sharing our thoughts and ideas with the world. If you’re in the category of being anxious about getting on stage, for whatever reason, you’re certainly not alone. In this writing, I hope to share with you some of my ideas and experiences with public speaking that could be useful to you as you navigate this part of leadership. Before I begin, however, I want to encourage you to study public speaking. There are tons of books and resources out there that help you consider what to wear, how to speak, power phrases, power stories, language tools (alliteration, metaphors, illustration techniques), preparation, and more. These resources can educate you on how to prepare and what tools you can use to help get your message across. If we are serious about leadership, digging into public speaking resources and learning the art and skill can be valuable to us. You don’t have to be “a natural.” Think of the learning process as a shield of protection against the negative forces that convince us that we are defined more by our fear than our courage. 

The fear of public speaking, also known as “Glossophobia,” is near the top of the list of common fears amongst all people, much less leaders. “Psychology Today” said about 25% of people have speaking anxiety. Personally, I think that is an incredibly low estimate. Maybe the 25% number is based on “extremes” or paralyzing fear. In contrast, I found an article here, https://nationalsocialanxietycenter.com/social-anxiety/public-speaking-anxiety/, where they claim up to 73% have some level of fear of public speaking. This seems a lot more in line with what I’ve experienced. Every time I’ve shared the stage with someone, the pre-game warm up is almost always the same. There’s a nervousness backstage as we wait to go on – we pace, review our notes last minute, check for sweat and zipped pants, and glance at our watches over and over waiting for our time to go. Too often, we even tell each other how horrible we will be. My hands get a bit clammy and cold while outwardly I try to hide my nerves. Regardless of the speaking event, I tend to go through these exact same nervous routines.Free tip: Speak life. Speak life to yourself and speak life to your audience. There’s a bible proverb that says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” If we keep that in mind with how we speak to ourselves and others, it helps keep a positive and optimistic outlook. Too often, if we say we are going to fail miserably, the likelihood of that happening goes up drastically. Conversely, knowing the power of words, if we speak positively, and expect good things, we are more apt to carry that forward into our speech and it’ll resonate with our audience. Be positive! 

Throughout my career, starting as a young troop in the military to today as a CEO, I’ve had numerous speaking arrangements – both professionally and personally. You’d think that eventually my nerves would go away. They haven’t yet and I’ve been in a lot of different types of speaking events. This is something important to keep in mind. For most of us, nerves will always be there. And we furthermore, when managing expectations, know that you’ll never be 100%. You’ll have good ones and you’ll have some duds. Tip number 1: Embrace the reality of nerves and imperfection.

There is one event that stands out as one of my most intense speaking arrangements and my nerves were at an all-time highand in my mind, the need to be perfect was only making the nerves worse. It was at my father-in-law’s memorial service. He had battled multiple sclerosis for years and near the end of his battle he outlined to my mother-in-law his wishes for his memorial service. He was a very faithful man of God. Even while in a wheelchair, he gave his time as a leader in the Royal Ranger program. Think of it like Boy Scouts where they learn critical life skills. In fact, his personalized license plate was RR2, or “Royal Ranger” 2. Near the time of his passing, he told his wife that he’d like his two sons-in-law to tag team a sermon message at his service. My brother-in-law is a pastor and I had no doubt he was uniquely set up to do it. I am not a pastor and didn’t not feel the same about my abilities. Get me to talk sports, business, or military, no worries, but a sermon? Of course, I felt this was a nice last trick from him to ask me to give a sermon type message at his service; he was always the best practical joker. But alas, as we approached his service, there I was preparing for a “sermon,” I felt ill-equipped to give. 

When I arrived at the church there are two entrances into the main sanctuary. There is one in the back and one in the front and of course, I chose the front entrance, which, based on this situation was the wrong one. See, the front entrance sort of faces the church pews or seats. And by the time I walked in, the seats were full. The ground floor pews were full, the balcony seats were full, and the only open spots were standing room only.  He was very well regarded. The atmosphere in the room was palpable; that’s really the only word to describe it. You could literally feel the room. I must have had a look on my face as I entered because a pastor I know who was in attendance, walked up to me and said, “Hey, these are always the toughest talks to give and you feel overwhelmed. But when you get up there, you’ll get grace.” As the service started, my cold, clammy hands were there and I was thinking, “Don’t screw it up, don’t screw it up!” I remember some of the songs the guest singers sang, and recall the guy leading the service all doing a good job holding things together prior to it turning over to my brother-in-law and I. These folks were professionals. When it was our turn, I was to go first.

Any idea of the palpable and intense feeling that I noticed when I first walked in going away as the service went on is wrong. In fact, it only seemed more intense. As I stood up there to begin, there was a strong, very imposing dude sitting on the right side of the sanctuary. He had a massive beard, a flannel shirt, and a look on his face that was serious, credible, and kind. He was super engaged. Something about him. He was a microcosm of the entire room. From there, I glanced down at my beautiful wife and she sat there poised with such class, holding it together far better than I was. She sat with such esteem. Right then and there I was keenly aware that in some ways, I needed to meet her where she was. So how to proceed? How do I even start? There is nothing I could say right at that moment that would equal the power in the room. Literally, nothing. There was nothing I could say that would equal the impact my father-in-law made in others. And as a Type 3 Enneagram, how was I going to “achieve” any sort of success up there? Soooo…I broke the ice and introduced myself as “Fartsie Poo Poo’s husband” and off we went.  To this day, I’ve never watched it back. Not that I can’t necessarily. Part of it is that in my mind, based on the feedback, it went off well. Not just my part, but my brother-in-law’s part as well. From what we heard, we hit the intent. I’m afraid watching it back will detract from the emotional and powerful memory in some way. So, I let it sit in my memory just how it is. 

Before the talk, I went through my notes with a friend there and his reaction was so-so, which, wasn’t a great feeling, honestly. It was obviously too late to change it, so I stuck to it. After my talk was over, he came up to me and said that was nothing like what he read in my notes. Crazy thing is it really was. There was something else in the atmosphere and delivery that in his mind changed the narrative. During the talk, people were engaged at a level I’ve never seen before. Not because of me and/or what I was saying, it was just how the atmosphere was. When it was over, I was surprised by the feedback. Actually, blown away by the feedback and felt a little sheepish about it. People said it was that good and that I looked super comfortable. Truth is, I had no clue if it was good and I was not at all comfortable. Remember the comment about receiving grace when I walked on the stage? I credit grace.

I prepared and prepared for this talk. I researched, studied, prayed, and practiced repeatedly. No matter how much I prepared, the one thing I didn’t anticipate was the environment itself. I suppose there was no way to really prepare for that without experience speaking in that setting. I quickly gained a newfound appreciation and empathy for pastors who are consistently tasked with being the resolute and calm speaker in memorial services. One tip I received prior was to write the entire thing out even if it’s not my normal style. The tipper, a senior leader of a large organization, said that the environment is so raw that it is easy to get tripped up and off. Having a fully written talk keeps you on track. Of course, I didn’t heed his advice. Luckily, it worked out, but I can see why he would say that. This all leads me to tip number 2: Learn, or scope out, the physical environment that you’ll be speaking in. 

I’ve learned this lesson a few times. In a speaking engagement of any type, there are pieces and parts you control and there are things you don’t control. The environment, room design, layout, temperature, etc. are all things that go beyond your control. As we prepare for our speeches, or our meetings, we focus on the content, the flow, the research, our pitch, and other things in our control. Be careful not to overlook visualizing the environment. There can be a bit of sinking feeling if the room layout or agenda flow is different than what we expect, and we don’t want that to knock us off balance. As we near the event, it’s ok to ask questions and ask a lot of them. Ask for the agenda. Ask if there are other speakers. If you’re not comfortable getting the room orderly, ask if someone can do an introduction. Also, try to gain access to the room prior to the preparations. This gives us the opportunity to visualize the exact room while practicing. You’ll have a better idea of the size of the room, the layout of the room, etc. The more information we can gather, the better. I recall one time I was asked to be the keynote speaker, but after a few other speakers went. I didn’t anticipate that, prior to me speaking, I’d be sitting up on the stage facing news cameras and a crowd that was close. All I was thinking was “Its hot in here and everyone is staring at me.” They weren’t, but I sure thought they were. A similar event happened not long after, but I was prepared this time! Still felt awkward, however, in my preparation, I was ready for that type of environment and mentally prepared to handle it. The bottom line, any time you can know, study, or anticipate the physical environment, take advantage of it. 

Controlling our nerves and knowing the environment are both tools to mitigate some of our biggest concerns with public speaking. Everyone cringes at the idea of losing your train of thought, freezing before your next thought, or having a panic attack. These are worst case scenarios that can play out in our minds as we prepare our messages (Hint – block that out!). The worst feeling in the world is to be in no-man’s land and not sure where to go next. Tip number 3 is to have safety nets in place. In every message I prepare, I try to strike a balance between too rehearsed and too casual so to connect with the audience. Too rigid and you fail to connect. Too loose, you can come across unprepared. To strike that balance, I utilize structure and within the structure, I have trigger points. The points, or sayings, have multiple purposes. One, these points keep me on track. They allow me to free flow and “connect” but serve as a marker in my topic to transition to the next point. Often, these might be transitions as a matter of simplicity in structure. Two, they also act as a safety net. If I ever lose track of my thoughts, freak out, or just freeze, these points are like signs in my message that say, “You are here, now get there.” I build them in so I can always go back to them and get back on track again in a pinch. While you might not guess that my speeches have a lot of structure if you watched me, the truth is, I heavily utilize structure and a systematic approach. The irony is that doing so allows me freedom to connect with the audience, but also safety nets in place to keep me either on track or able to continue if I lose track of where I am. 

Lastly, my final tip, tip 4, is to be unafraid of emotional connection. Have you ever sat in a speech that just bored you to pieces? Most of us have. Think of the many reasons why. Maybe the it’s the setting, or could have been after lunch, or it’s a topic you’re not interested in, etc. However, I’d say this, I’ve been in boring settings, after lunch, listening to a boring topic but completely engaged with a speaker that connected the dots of emotion. They are funny, engaging, meaningful, powerful, confident, credible, and emotionally connected in some way. An emotional connection can be the conduit between the topic and the interest of the listener. There are numerous ways to engage emotion with a listener and yes, it takes preparation while also introducing risk and vulnerability. I’ll say this, you’ll miss it at times especially in your first attempts but keep shooting for it because you’ll find it is well worth it. Thinking back to my father-in-law’s service. Honestly, I think my content was lacking. If I remember right, I tried to insert too many examples into a short time slot, and I don’t think it flowed together well, technically. However, the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. Why? Because I nailed the content? I don’t think so. For whatever reason, I was able to connect in a very authentic way with the people in the crowd. Certainly, the content wasn’t bad. But the emotional connection is what turned it from a solid talk to a very moving and memorable talk.  

Public speaking can obviously be daunting. Please use the tips in the narrative and the Do/Don’t list below to help you improve. I never want to see people limit themselves as a leader, or really, in any way due to a fear of public speaking. Think about our words in general. Words are one of the most powerful tools that humanity has. Words have the power of life and death. Words have the power to move nations. Words have the power to heal. What if Winston Churchill never said “We shall go to the end! We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!” What if Lincoln never gave the Gettysburg Address? Some of the world’s most powerful moments began from a speech. I mean, even the good Lord spoke the world into existence. I believe that every moment afforded to us is a potential opportunity for greatness. Every speech we pass on due to fear is potentially a life changing opportunity missed.