A Moment in a Roll
In Chip Heath and Dan Heath’s book, The Power of Moments, they describe a defining moment “as a short experience that is memorable.” A realization of something about yourself. And often, these defining moments come from a courageous action, a bold decision, or some event where you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. The more comfortable we get, the less likely we are to add these into our lives. I also believe that most of these moments aren’t by chance. They are a result of conscious decisions we make.
My son, Gabe, has been practicing Jiu-Jitsu for two years since he was around 9 years old. Anyone who has practiced Jiu-Jitsu will say to check your ego and what you thought you knew about strength at the door of the gym. Getting humbled and beaten on the mat happens. At a local tourney recently, Gabe was set to roll with a much bigger/taller, older, and more experienced opponent. The difference in size and age was striking. Right before the handshake, Gabe smirked as if to say, “You all seeing this?”
The opponent quickly put Gabe in a compromising position. The bigger kid had my son in a strong chokehold. Gabe’s face was purple. He reached up to consider tapping but was getting choked out so bad he didn’t reach his hand high enough to make the tap. Instead, he grabbed the wrist of his opponent. As I was thinking, “you should tap, bud,” he felt like he should give it one more shot and pulled his opponent’s arm down. After some gyrations and some wiggle waggle, and more jujitsu moves I do not know, Gabe busted free. They rolled around on the mat for a bit, then Gabe and his opponent popped up to their feet and stood there toe-to-toe. And there it was. Steph and I saw our son have a defining moment for him while up on his feet. He will remember it for the duration of his life.
In that split second, a moment and power shift happened. Both kids knew it. Gabe started the match thinking, “I have no chance.” His opponent thought, “I’m going to choke this kid out and submit him.” Halfway through the match, standing toe-to-toe, a confidence shift took place. Gabe thought, “I have a chance. I belong on this mat.” His opponent thought, “Oh man, I’m in a fight.” Size and power are less important than the apex principle of JuJitsu; efficiency. Mom and dad were fired up at that moment. I wanted to scream in my best warrior voice, “WAY TO GO TO WAR, SON…YEEAAAH!!!!” My own, “We…are…Sparta!!!!” yell. Steph said she was glad I didn’t.
Gabe got his opponent down and had the advantage; a scoring position for Gabe. He ultimately ran out of time and lost by a point. He lost. And he learned something about himself and life in the process. Better to have lost that fight than not experience it at all. Other kids out of JuJitsu might say, “ha ha, you lost.” To that, he can say, “At least I fought.” His professor came up after and was like, “YES! Breakthrough. Way to not give up!”
Moments in our lives aren’t simply by chance. We make choices to be comfortable and to avoid vulnerability. In business, we might play it safe and go with the status quo. Or, we can choose to make a bold decision in business, start a new business, solve a critical problem, write a book, or roll with a bigger kid. We don’t have to be reckless and chase artificial defining moments. We are ok to get into the arena and make these bold decisions and choices. The criticism you worry about will come from people that don’t matter. The ones that do matter are those that have been on the mat and you won’t hear anything but encouragement from them.
