7 – 9 Min Read – Minus Video

“Hey, honey! I think the stove is on fire!”

“Ok, one sec, let me finish this coffee.”

My wife sometimes accuses me of not showing enough urgency in crises. Sort of ironic since I spent nine years of my career as a bomb technician. There are times when I need a little more intensity in showing emotion/urgency. Other times, I need a lot less! I don’t think she’s wrong though. Probably too often, I’m suspicious as to whether something truly was all that urgent. And I’m haughty enough to determine whether that situation is urgent, regardless of what the other person thinks! That type of mindset comes with its inherent risks, no doubt.

Humans are complex. For example, I react to an issue when I confirm and know it’s urgent. Others jump and react before they know the severity of the situation. If your life is truly in danger, you might want them around instead of me. 😊 In all seriousness, our physiological make-up and experiences play a large role in how we respond to a variety of situations. What we know and how we feel play equal roles in our leadership success.

The brain has three layers primary layers of functionality: Instinct or motivators (biological urge, things you learn, etc.), emotion (moods, feelings, and evaluations), and cognitive (memory, judgment, reason).[1][2] Each layer plays a fundamental role in our behaviors, relationships, and societal success. In other words, cognitive or traditional intelligence (IQ) is not the only necessary element nor a predictor of success. Research shows that emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as important as a high level of knowledge and superior cognitive function.[3] John Maxwell said it this way “Leaders with emotional intelligence outperform those without it.” [4] 

“Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand other people: what motivates them, how they work, how to work cooperatively with them. Intrapersonal intelligence…is a correlative ability turned inward. It is a capacity to form an accurate veridical model of oneself and to be able to use that model to operate effectively in life.”

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence

So, what are we talking about here? Feelings? If you’re like me, you probably don’t line up to talk about “feelings.” A few of the blogs I read during my research were heavy on the touchy, feely stuff, and to be honest with you, I struggled with them. I’m an input/output type of person and often quick to explore the means to the end. If we talk about emotional intelligence from the perspective of feelings, I’m a little more resistant to the conversation. Conversely, talking about the subject from the perspective of rational/irrational decision making, productivity, winning, profit, corporate value, and company morale is something I can get behind. We’ve seen the inability to process emotions healthily and develop emotional intelligence severely limit leadership and organizational potential.

Emotional intelligence is “the ability to accurately perceive your own and other’s emotions; to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships, and to manage your own and others’ emotions. It doesn’t necessarily include the qualities (like optimism, initiative, and self-confidence) that some popular definitions ascribe to it.”[5] 

“Indicators of Emotional IQ: poised, cheerful, not prone to fear or worry, committed, productive, showing empathy, comfortable with themselves.”

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence

And why is that important? Research indicates the best leaders aren’t just equipped with a high intelligence quotient (IQ), but a rather high emotional IQ. They understand the source of their emotions, how they factor into decision-making, and can manage within those parameters. 

EQ is largely believed to have five main areas: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills[6]. It’s impossible to explore each area in one post. Instead, we’ll cover a few thoughts on why emotional intelligence is important in leadership and winning.

In the 2017 National Football League (NFL) draft, three quarterbacks were expected to go in the first round. The Chicago Bears had the third pick and a prime opportunity to land one of the three quarterbacks. In a move that has since been analyzed and criticized widely, the Bears decided to give up draft capital and move up one spot to get “their guy.” Let’s set that up a little more. There are three QBs available considered top NFL talent. You are guaranteed to get one. Guaranteed. Giving up draft capital (future draft picks) to get either could be considered unnecessary. Adding to the baffling decision, they moved up to get Mitch Trubisky, a relatively untested QB from North Carolina. He was athletic and had excellent arm talent. On the downside, he had started only 13 games in college. In comparison to the other two QBs available, he was considerably behind in accomplishments. The other two QBs, Mahomes and Watson, were experienced, accomplished, and highly regarded. Mahomes had put up incredible numbers and possessed once-in-a-lifetime arm talent. Watson was a National Champion who had showed heart, poise, and phenomenal leadership in toppling the Alabama juggernaut.

So, what made the Bears move up; damning Trubisky to expectations too high and constant comparisons to the other two? To be fair to Ryan Pace, the General Manager of the Bears, who made the decision, Trubisky was rated highly in that draft by some. Some considered Mahomes a system quarterback. You could almost make the argument that other GMs would have taken Trubisky over Mahomes (harder to justify trading up). Mitch Trubisky is not a horrible QB and is a bit underrated. Unfortunately, he’s on a far lower tier than the other two QBs they could have drafted at the time. When a leader makes a business blunder that significant, it makes us wonder why? Part of the answer lies within the emotional intelligence spectrum; beyond “feelings.”

There is a saying that “people hear what they want to hear.” Making rational decisions, or behaving rationally, is heavily impacted by our biases. Ryan Pace had a couple of biases at play – confirmation bias (confirming what we want to believe[7]) and conviction bias (believing in something that we work hard to convince ourselves it must be true). Unchecked biases often force us into irrational decisions and behaviors. I believe that’s exactly what happened to Ryan Pace. In that situation, he did not have enough EQ, especially in self-awareness (one of the five characteristics of EQ), to recognize these biases existed. The failure to do so could have or should have, cost him his job. That decision was defining for Ryan Pace.

We see this sort of thing in mergers and acquisitions; often referred to as deal heat. The buyer throws out all commonsense and is so convinced the deal is going to work that they make irrational decisions that ultimately cost the company millions. These sorts of biases also creep in during interviews of new talent outside of sports. A manager locks into a specific candidate and for some reason just misses key character traits (or flaws) that set that department back months and costs the company thousands of dollars. Investors get wrapped up in the idea that certain stocks are going to be the next big thing. Entrepreneurs might mortgage their homes to push out a business idea that is doomed to fail from the beginning because they lack self-awareness, motivation, or the ability to develop relationships with others.  

Biases exist. Just like emotions, we all have them. And like emotions, learning where they come from, why they are there, and how to deal with them is the mark of high emotional IQ. This is often a separator from good and bad decisions, good and bad leadership, and winning and losing. See where this post is tracking? If for the sole purpose of helping you understand your feelings, I’d recommend going to counseling. I’m not saying that sarcastically, but seriously. However, in the context of winning, developing EQ is foundational to leadership and organizational success.

In the book, Laws of Power (Robert Greene), the author tells an interesting story about chess[8]. Full disclosure, I don’t know much about chess. My nine-year-old son enjoys it and has a memory like an elephant. After a few YouTube videos, he seemed to have a lot of the rules down and coaches me through our matches. Winning in chess takes strategy, impulse control, intellect, and an ability to gauge and read the opponent’s behavior. All of this was on display in a match between Bobby Fischer and his Russian opponent Spassky. “The chess match of the century,” as it were. 

Spassky, by all accounts, had Fischer’s number. They’d played a little more than a few times and Spassky had gotten the better of Fischer. All Fischer had managed up to this point was drawing two matches. This time would be different. Fischer played on the emotional makeup of Spassky by manipulating the situation (showing up late, seeming erratic, etc.) leading up to the matches and changed his strategy during the match. The consistent and relentless flipping of the script threw Spassky off and Fischer ended up besting his rival. Fischer was successful because he understood the game, but also had a strategy to control the emotional behavior of his opponent. 

“In chess as in life, when people (the competition) cannot figure out what you are doing, they are kept in a state of terror – waiting, uncertain, and confused.”

Robert Greene and Joost Elffers, The 48 Laws of Power

A critical part of emotional IQ is understanding oneself but also understanding others (social awareness). Fischer did this masterfully for the match and outwitted a potentially superior opponent. Spassky went from an incredible psychologist to an irrational and emotionally uncontrolled basket case. He embarrassed himself and Russia in the process. Fischer displayed incredible emotional intelligence and Jedi mind tricks. 

Whenever possible, mystify the enemy. Porter failed to mention this in his five forces of competition. 🙂 Leaders may have to wait, or move around, and stay calm. Then, when the time is right, aggressively strike to leave no doubt. But also show empathy, kindness, compassion, and humility. We are made with special powers of balance. We have the ability to both love and strike but do so in the context of ethics, protection, and morals. In leadership and business, using both intellect and emotional control is a significant strategic advantage.

“Beyond this possibility looms a pressing moral imperative. These are times when the fabric of society seems to unravel at even greater speed, when selfishness, violence, and a meanness of spirit seem to be rotting the goodness of our communal lives. Here the argument for the importance of emotional intelligence hinges on the link between sentiment, character, and moral instincts.”

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence

Suggesting that emotions play little to no role in business is a fallacy. Whether you want them to or not, emotions are as much involved in leadership and business as any intellectual competency. Either we have no control of those emotions and make irrational decisions. Or we have an excellent awareness of our emotions and their sources and make incredibly rational decisions. 

I assume you’ve heard, “It’s not personal, it’s business.” Pro athletes like to say that all the time. That’s forced rationalization based on what we want to believe (bias). Unless we’ve somehow dropped our biological makeup at the door, emotions are part of the business. The truth is, we admire leadership that behaves rationally. That’s really what we mean when we say “it’s not personal, it’s business.” Teams respond well to leaders who calmly respond to crises and adversity while often giving the impression that the situation is not personal. We also respond well to leaders who have the emotional and intellectual intelligence to set a courageous vision. Those with the ability to know when to move forward, when to use a pawn, when to move back, and when to move to checkmate takes as much emotional intelligence as traditional knowledge. Even though we typically celebrate intellect, emotional IQ is often underrated as it helps us navigate decisions rationally.

Our society is especially rewarding to intellectual intelligence (IQ). To get into Ivy League schools, you must have high GPAs, high SAT/ACT scores, and generally show a huge capacity for academic success. A lot of the more “elite” businesses require your resume to list a top-tier institution as a condition of employment. Thinking that way only gets us half the story. Intelligence can get you in the door, so to speak. But EQ is ultimately a major driver towards success in an organization and/or success in life. More and more organizations are using a personality test to better gauge an incoming applicant. What are they trying to gauge? Emotional IQ and personality fit.

“The benefits companies receive from hiring workers with high levels of EQ include better productivity, higher employee satisfaction, growing market share, and fewer defections.”

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence.

Truthfully, I might not always want the Ivy League grad. Nor the smartest person with all the answers. I’d take grit, common sense, balance, passion, vigor, one who knows when to wait and when to pounce, the humble, and empathic. Everyone thinks they want a scorer, but what we often need is the person that dives on the floor… they leave no doubt.

Each of us can learn and develop emotional intelligence. Developing better emotional intelligence is possible and necessary for leadership balance. The inability to do so limits our leadership and organizational success. Whether we are negotiating deals, hiring a team, winning in the marketplace, or simply decompressing at home, emotional intelligence is fundamental to each function. A key concept in Socrates’ teaching is knowing thyself. I encourage you in your journey to better leadership to learn your moods and emotions, why you have them, and how to control them.

References

[1] Greene, Robert. The 48 Laws of Power. Penguin Books, 2016.

[2] Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence. Bloomsbury, 2020.

[3] Meinert, Dori. “Emotional Intelligence Is Key to Outstanding Leadership.” SHRM, SHRM, 16 Aug. 2019, www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/0318/pages/emotional-intelligence-is-key-to-outstanding-leadership.aspx.

[4] Podcast, The John Maxwell Leadership, et al. John Maxwell Leadership Podcast, 25 Mar. 2020, johnmaxwellleadershippodcast.com/episodes/john-maxwell-emotional-intelligence-1.

[5] “How Emotional Intelligence Became a Key Leadership Skill.” Harvard Business Review, 5 May 2015, hbr.org/2015/04/how-emotional-intelligence-became-a-key-leadership-skill. Citing John D. Mayer

[6] Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence. Bloomsbury, 2020.

[7] Greene, Robert. The 48 Laws of Power. Penguin Books, 2016.

[8] Greene, Robert. The 48 Laws of Power. Penguin Books, 2016.