Doing vs. Being: Quit Doing Things, Start Being You. A Good Friday (Easter) Special
Approx. 7 min read
Being a CEO is hard. SUPER rewarding. But challenging and often in ways hard to describe. This is not a boohoo, poor me, type of sentiment. Merely, a matter of fact. I rarely talk about the difficulty. Doing so is pointless. Mostly, the discussion isn’t worth it. There is no way to articulate the hidden challenges and toll that being a CEO takes on you. I lack the lyrical talent to describe it. And because we are well paid, no one feels sorry for you. Frankly, I don’t care if they do. Looking for sympathy is a path towards empty results that I don’t have time for. Even if there was some benefit, sympathy puts too much attention on me and makes me uncomfortable.
Typically, when I’m engaged in a deeper discussion, the conversation usually flips to the other person’s issues; of which I am grateful. Not surprisingly, I likely steered it that way. Less time to focus on me. Near the end of the conversation, the other person usually shares the obligatory, “I mean, of course, my issues aren’t as large as yours are.” Honestly, I have no clue and I’m not sure why the comparison even matters. Everything is relative. Just as fast as they make that comment, I deflect it.
I’m a master at flipping the script. My method is to ask a few questions and get the other person talking about themselves. Most of the time, they are a lot more interesting and I feel better about allowing them the outlet. Thinking about it though, I think it is also my tactic to avoid finding the words to talk about hidden CEO “issues.” I just don’t really know where to start. Rather than avoidance through listening, some leaders double down. Instead of being candid, their grandiloquent speak is often a cover-up for the burdens they feel daily. Even the disciple, Peter, was boastful in what was to come, only to find out he was not up to the task as he thought he was. Ironically, boasting and cowardness are aligned as much as humility and courage. Not all leaders are that ostentatious though. Many would rather keep people at arms-length due to the watered seed of cynicism. It’s hard, especially early on, when one learns about disingenuous friendships developed because of your position and not your character. The point is, there is no lack of evidence to suggest there are numerous interpersonal conflicts within executive leadership. All may handle the conflict and address it differently. Yet, struggles remain; albeit hidden.
A simple google search reveals a long list of blogs and articles about the angst of a CEO. If you are reading this and aspire to be or already are in a leadership position, encountering this angst is probable. Being a person of consequence has consequences. And unless we have a path towards purpose, that consequence can be too much to bear.
Mother Teresa made a striking comment while explaining contemplation of life. She juxtaposed doing and being. She explores a connection between purpose by being. In her words, “it is not a matter of doing but being.” Her “it” is different than your “it,” but the concept stands firm. CEOs, executives, pastors, and leaders are at odds between doing and being. Task saturation without purpose is unsustainable. Having a clear purpose and deeper meaning (or calling) creates dogged determination and a long-term fulfillment. The latter stands the test of time and, with purpose protected, we face trials with fervent passion. The former drives us towards burnout, cynicism, and angst. We start pleasing others through task management instead of changing the world through dedication to purpose.
Identity crises in leadership is not uncommon. Everyone goes through moments and trials that they aren’t sure they can make it through. Absent resolve and fully task saturated, too many leaders retreat.
A great illustration of this is the story known as the Restoration of Peter. The timing of this story is good as we celebrate Good Friday and Easter. When Jesus chose his disciples, he chose 12 young men, likely in their late teens, and their identity was simple – they were fishermen. Consider the context of that for a few minutes. No one else ever saw them as anything but just that. One of the 12 was a young man named Simon (Peter). For three miraculous years, they followed Jesus and saw him disrupt the entire region and set the stage for the most powerful movement in the history of mankind. While they walked and traveled with Jesus, consider for a second their commitment level. Whether you believe the story or not, the illustrative context remains the same: Peter’s identity was wrapped up in the ministry of Christ….then it was “over.”
Right before the crucification, Peter, the future rock of the church, publicly denied his leader three times as predicted. Jesus, with just a look, wrecked poor Peter. Not only was he forced to run from everything they had done for the last three years, but Peter also denied his leader and lost him all in a span of a few days. I’m sure at some point Peter had no idea what to do. Everything he thought he knew and worked for was suddenly gone. So, Peter did what many do, walked away from being, and started doing. He went back to fishing.
Sometime soon after the crucifixion and resurrection, Peter was on his boat with some other disciples. No doubt a little lost. I can imagine the boat and the atmosphere as they unceremoniously toss their nets. Undoubtedly, the group of young men were saying little and unlikely showing much joy. They found no fish in their nets. I wonder how much they cared about that? That was the case until a man (Jesus) yelled out from the shore and told them to cast the nets on the other side of the boat. The amount of fish overwhelmed their nets, but quickly Peter’s attention shifted from his overloaded net to the man on the shore. His leader, the man who re-made his identity was on the shore cooking up some breakfast.
Jesus had a simple message for Peter. Stop doing. Start being. In other words, stop doing what you think you need to be doing and start being who I created you to be. For Peter was the rock that Jesus was to build his church on. The point is, without purpose, our nets are empty. When we find our deeper sense of being, our nets will overflow. It’s at that point we get to introduce our teams to the stars.
My hope is for you to lay waste to self-opposition and find your identity and purpose. Here are a few techniques you can try to find your center.
- Find meaningful, purposeful, and intentional isolation: Start thinking. Teddy Roosevelt was a busy fella before he was the President of the United States. He was a renowned historian, an expert in nature, a rancher in the West, a politician in the East, and often, a hell on wheels wild man. He experienced personal loss, business loss, political loss, and numerous criticisms of his books. Yet, there remained an unquenchable fire in his eyes and soul to proceed on. He would find himself in the wild west, alone and listening to every whistle of the wind, chirping birds, and rushing water. Those moments were powerful moments of inspiration to him. In those times of isolation, he came to realize more and more that the cause of the United States was worth of every effort he had to give. Teddy was not the first leader to seek the quiet. Jesus himself spent 40 days alone. He did so before he embarked on the journey to carry forth His purpose. I encourage all leaders to find space to be present and remind ourselves of who we are here to be.
- Reform where you are at: Sometimes, I see people get a wild hair and leave their position to go to greener grass or find something they don’t even know they are looking for. Before you do that, see to it you’ve done what is necessary where you stand today. Once you know, then make that decision. Sometimes, we only need to shake the dust-off right where we are. I believe there are times we need to push a reset button and shake off all the dirt and grime we collect. To see purpose clearly, get rid of self-indulgent junk that impedes purpose and progress. Free yourself of jealousy, self-doubt, selfish ambition, anger, and insecurities. Doing so could reveal that, at least for now, your best path to being is right beneath your feet. At that point, staying or going becomes the most peaceful part of the decision. You might find that you need to move on. How much more clearly will you see that if you clear the mechanism?
- Find a support group outside of work: We all need a place to be us. Not the executive. Just the person. Finding a group of folks that aren’t calling on you for a favor, seeking advice on business, or whatever. Just a group of people that enjoy you for exactly who you are. Go hunting, hiking, talk cars, football, or politics. Ok, maybe leave politics out for now. Everyone needs an outlet. As for me, I love sports cars, reading, sports, the gym, church, etc. You will often find me at a car show, and not a soul there knows who I am. We talk about builds, wheels, motors, and no one gives a rip about my position, the company I run, or anything closely related.
- Get creative: There is some relation here with recommendation number 1. We see the ultimate creation and art within the trees and in the air we breathe. Along with smelling the roses, I recommend finding a space for you to dream a little and generate some creative and compelling ideas. Some ideas for you to consider are reading books, writing, listening to music, or even watching a powerful movie. Shut the door to your office for a few minutes a day and find time for creative thinking. Do whatever you need to do to find that creative space and intentionally go there frequently.
I’m incredibly grateful for my current opportunity. Each day I think of where I could be. Or where I should be. Neither of which is where I am at and I am unbelievably thankful for that. Not one sun rises and sets with me feeling that what I have is what I deserve. I appreciate every trial. Even though a threat, I appreciate the competition, immensely. Without them, could we be at our best? A worthy opponent can be the source of our greatest strengths. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn and overcome. Who knows how this might benefit you or others in the future? Failure is part of the process. Embrace the lessons learned. These are all better endured when are living out who we are supposed to be instead of doing what we think we should do.
Yes, the personal challenges are great when we choose the leadership path. And no, I don’t often talk about them. But I am so incredibly thankful for all of it; the good, the bad, the ups and the downs. We may never know what we are capable of without taking on these challenges. And with purpose in mind, I ponder what we are truly capable of.
